After a lifetime of race-splaining, I’m fed up with being an unofficial Japanese ambassador

• Go ahead, white Australia, eat your kebabs while you remind us of your ‘values’ – Randa Abdel-Fattah

I have a confession to make. Some years ago, while enjoying solace in a cafe, a well-nourished white bloke accosted me by thrusting his newly purchased cookbook in my face and demanding an autograph. “I love your recipes,” he gushed. I signed his book with a flourish: “Love, Kylie K.”

Just to be clear, the Chinese-Australian chef Kylie Kwong and I both wear glasses but, beyond that, we share few similarities. I figured if this bloke is daft enough to think we Asians all look the same, why not bask in the fake celebrity limelight? What’s the harm in obliging him with a momentary mendacious act? (Apologies to Kylie, of course, whose recipes I also love.)

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